fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
