Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
