If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
