Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
