The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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