margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize