i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize