We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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