Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
