Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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