i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
