New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
