You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
