i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
