he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize