PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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