My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
