his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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