i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
