I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
