Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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