I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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