I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
