UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
