She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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