Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
