i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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