I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We don't watch enough power rangers
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
