Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
