I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
