FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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