he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
