Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
