Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
