you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
