Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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