I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize