I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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