I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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