sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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