If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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