my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
