Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
