Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
