they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
