I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A bitchslap is in order.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
