haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
