I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
