i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
