Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sext me about skeletons
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
