Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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