No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
