Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
