It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
