Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
