I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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