Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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