I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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