You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
