She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
