she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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