Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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