i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
