I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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