Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
