I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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